Are you qualified

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qualified

For as long as I can remember I have worked with children.  When I was in daycare myself I would assist with the smaller children.  My first job at 15 years old was being and assistant teacher in daycare.  When I was 17 I became a mentor and youth leader.  And every since then children have been in my world.  I did not know that they were the purpose of my very being.  I did not know that I would be teaching parents how to love and teach their children more effectively.

But now I know.  I have known for about 4 years now.  I have wanted to be a family coach for about 4 years but talked myself out of it.  Because I was thinking about how people would embrace me and what I would teach them.  I have never birthed a child.  I have never adopted a child yet I have been a mother.  It’s weird I know.  Sometimes it is not the experiences we have that qualify us it is simply who we are.  I was created to teach, care for, love on, and empower families.  I have a gifting for nurturing, teaching, and understanding children.  I have been graced to do what I do.  And I do it very well.  Not bragging, I’m just saying.

I said all this to say just because you are parenting for the first time, just because you are single but want to be a foster parent, just because you do not have a Master’s degree hanging on your wall, you can still pursue the dreams and calling that is on your life.  You will not rest well until you do.  Validation from others does not qualify you.  The passion and the drive you have qualifies you.  The gifts that you were created with qualifies you.  God’s calling on your life qualifies you.  You were born for this. (what ever your “this” maybe).  So go and do that thing that you have been wanting to do but talked yourself out of because you felt as though you aren’t qualified.  Take a step towards that today!

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Get to vs have to, these little words can change your life.

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get to

I was listening to a motivational speaker this morning, Mr. Eric Thomas, and something that he said really struck something within me.  He said (in my own words) that there are two types of people in the world, the ones that say and think that they have to do something.  Then there are the ones that think and say that they get to do something.  Two small words that mean so much.

The have to crowd says I have to take Blake to soccer practice the get to crowd says I get to take Blake to soccer practice.  Now just let that settle in for a moment.  When we say that we have to do something for our family or our kids we turn it in to a chore or work.  Just like a great mother and father would say I have to make sure that my kids are safe.  I get that it is something that must be done.  It takes on a serious heavy tone.  Now on the other hand when we use the phrase for the everyday ins and outs of the family we tend to see it as a burden which can easily get us overwhelmed.

When we say that we get to do something, it is a privilege just like when we were younger some of the get to phrases we would say were.  I get to have a sleep over, I get to have ice cream for dessert, I get to go to the mall.  They were all things that we were excited to do.  When we use the words I get to it brings about a feeling and mind set of gratitude.  I get to cook dinner for my family today.  How awesome is that.  Some people may have lost their families so there is no one to cook for any more.  Or others may not have enough food to cook for their families.  But we get to cook for our family we get to provide them with nourishment, we get to see smiles on their faces because they are not going to bed hungry.  These are just some of the things that we get to do.  We will be grateful.

So let us change the words have to, to get to, and see how it will over flow into our children.  They get to clean their rooms what a privilege.  There are some children who do not have rooms or nice comfy beds to sleep on.  They get to go to school.  That is awesome, some children are not able to go to school because they go to work to help out the family.

Make a conscious effort to change the words that you are using.  Let me know that positive effects that it has on you and your family. Try it out today and then go to facebook or twitter and share your family’s changes.

Being too friendly?

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                                  Being too Friendly                                                  “OMG, Mom I totally hate you.  I can’t believe you just said that I had to clean my room before going outside.”  Have you ever been on the receiving side of this sort of comment? 

Me? Absolutely not!!  While I have never experienced this venom being spat in my direction verbally.  I am sure that it has crossed a mind or two. Wait I take that back I have had one child to tell me to go to hell.  But that was the last time he EVER said that to me.  No, he isn’t still trying to pick himself up off the floor.  He just understood what he did was wrong.  I did not yell but I did have to hold a couple of other boys from jumping on him.  That happened once.

Remember we all all imperfect parents, that’s just the truth of the matter.  However when the relationship between you and your child first begins you must set boundaries.  They have to know that you are an authority figure you are the leader. You are not a peer.  You do not have to be the iron fist of Russia but you do have to insure them that you are to be respected. 

In a time where children think that to give someone respect they must first earn it.  I can see that to a certain point.  But the time that you gave birth, or took in that child as someone you care for you earn automatic respect.  I am a little old school like that and think that you should respect your elders.  I know there are some dead beat parents out there, let’s just be truthful about it, and I bet that is hard to respect. But if I am old enough to birth you a little respect should be given. At least respond when an adult say something to you.

How do we teach respect?  Here are 3 ways that I have learned to teach respect.

1. Teach your child to say yes, or yes ma’am or no sir.  And teach them how to put a “handle” on adults names.  For example have your child address your neighbors or anyone old enough to be a parent as Ms or Mr.  My brother and I were never allowed to call adults by there first names.  Even if they told us to, our mom would give us the fiery look of death.  However growing up that set boundaries of respect for us. My mom was always complimented on how respectful we were when in public.  I, to this day, cannot get away with answering my mom with a “huh” or even a “yes” it is “yes ma’am”.  Your child will begin to be respectful in and outside of the home.

2. Be a parent FIRST.  My daughter knew that she could talk to me about anything.  She knew that it had to be in a respectful way though.  We play around and I use to let her get away with a playful “girl bye” but she knew that I am her mother.  All of my other sideline children knew that they could come to Ms. L for anything but I was not their peer, I was their youth leader, mentor, or auntie.  The boundaries were set and kept.

3. Respect them and the adults in their lives.  Children learn best by seeing.  They watch our ever moves with hawk like eyes.  So give them something to emulate.  Do not interrupt them when they are having a conversation without an “excuse me”.  Respect their property, because after all it is yours.  lol…… It is ok to knock on their door before entering.  You do not have to wait on an invitation but knocking shows that you respect their space.

 It’s really the small things that make the most impact.  It is never too late to start new behaviors and habits.  I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas.  Leave me a comment or click here to join us on facebook.